all eyes on me

damn parents !! damn brothers!!!!! hate them.... all keep on nagging at me ...
sometimes i really dun understand them.. they said that i should have gone outings with my friends more.. but when i really am out with my friends , they say that i went overboard..

maybe i should not have stop smoking .. just maybe it would help a little ... maybe i should not have been occupying myself with any excerise or gyming .... it would helped me save a lot of cash.... maybe i should have defer my poly and gone into army instead...

just maybe i should have ended my life.... wads the point of living up to my parents expectation when they would just praise me 1/10 time they speak to me ...

i still inferior to everyone in my family ... 2 parents and 2 brothers that are working ... father is an army officer who will do anything to please my mother and stop her from nagging ... my mother a nurse who will do anything in the family to prove that she is always right ..1st brother who is working though he is hearing impaired, he is still my older brother even if his qualification is lower than mine .. 2nd brother who is working as a nurse and always want to be perfect. even though he is perfect , he still does not want to lose to me just becoz i got into a poly....

all eyes on me just because i got into a poly , either they want to over take me or wants to push me forward..
i just want to tell them to be satisfied with what they have ... why must all of them be ambitious for me ...
must i put a fake smile infront of them just to make them feel happy